Geek Glasses: A cautionary tale

After Lydia was born, I realized I needed a pair of glasses. I wear contacts, generally, and my last pair of glasses had been eaten by one of my girls. I can't remember who. Jane? ( Although, it definitely seems more like a Kitty thing to do.)

After trying to change poopy diapers blind in the middle of the night, I decided glasses neeeded to happen fast. Putting your face three inches from your baby's butt to make sure it is wiped clean is not desirable.

At the eye appointment they dilated my eyes. If you've never had this done, it makes everything within several feet out of focus. I decided that I needed to pick glasses out anyway, because I didn't want to have to come back with all 5 kids.

This was a mistake. I couldn't see any of the details on the glasses. I couldn't really see the glasses at all. They were just a blur. If I stood six feet away from the mirror, I could kind of make them out.

An employee took pity on me and chose these for me. She said that these glasses were just plain, normal, not-little-girly spectacles.

Apparently, the pair I was trying on when she walked up were for tweens or something. I said, "I can't see anything... Do these glasses look okay?" And she said, "Yes, those look nice on you." And I said, "Do they have anything weird on them?" She replied, "Well, they have X's and O's all over them and they say ROXY! really big on the side."

So, after I snatched those off my face, she handed me these. And told me they were just plain glasses that weren't weird and didn't have anything ugly on them. And I took her word for it.

When I went to pick them up, I saw this:


Barf. Little swirly heart-shaped squiggles equal "weird and ugly" in my book. And the gold/jeweled squares? No. Just, blurgh. But, that's what I get for picking out glasses when I was blind.

At the time, I didn't care very much because I only intended to wear these in the middle of the night or early morning before I put in my contacts. But, I saw some advice about not wearing contacts while being treated for Lyme. If you have bacteria in your eyes, you don't want to trap the toxins in with your lenses. So, now I have to wear these dorky glasses all the time.

Learn from my mistakes.